The Three Things Real Love Actually Requires

What does real love look like, and what does it actually require? According to the Bible, real love requires three things: embracing the gentle and humble heart of Jesus, letting God define what love is, and putting yourself in proximity to God's people so you can share life together. These three things enable us to walk with God and walk with one another in His love. They may sound cliché, but they are so important. A lot of people say they have no problem with love, yet God is not ambiguous about what His love looks like. He has given us a clear picture so that we can be rooted and grounded in it. Here is what that picture looks like. 1. Embrace the Gentle and Humble Heart of Jesus The first thing real love requires is that we pursue and embrace the heart of our Builder, and His name is Jesus Christ. It's interesting: God doesn't hand us strategies for how to do this. Instead, He reveals the heart that enables us to pursue it correctly, the heart of love, the heart of Jesus. What Matthew 11:28-30 Reveals About the Heart of Jesus In the Gospels, there is only one place where Jesus reveals what is in His heart, one place where He identified something within Himself that He wanted people to come into. You may know the passage well. It's Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light." This is the only place where Jesus said, in effect, "This is what's in My heart, and I want you to take it upon yourself as a yoke." Why did He identify these two things? Because gentleness and humility are two qualities that define what love is, and they are the first two very important ones. If we're going to walk together with God and walk together with one another, we need them. Jesus said, "That's what's in Me, and that's what I want you to have." That is the heart of the Builder. What Gentle and Humble Really Mean Gentle means not harsh. Humble is the opposite of what we often see in Christianity: the self-promoting attitude that makes everything about one man and says, "Follow my anointing. Look at what I've got." That is not the heart of the Builder. Jesus is humble, and He is not self-promoting. He's gentle, and He is not harsh or domineering. He is also appealing, which is pretty amazing. He puts His appeal out in a gentle and humble way. I love hearing leaders say they want leadership that is based on appeal rather than command, because that is the heart of Jesus. He is gentle, He is humble, and He makes His appeal to us. Why Gentleness and Humility Hold Relationships Together I've had 45 years of trying to help people come into the fullness of what God has for them, and here's the crazy thing I've found. Relational problems, marriage problems, and family issues: I have always seen them get resolved when the people involved had this aspect of the heart of God in them, gentleness and humility. I've also seen the other side. When people didn't have gentleness and humility, nothing was ever resolved. Most of the people with problems who lacked gentleness and humility watched their marriages and their families blow up. That's why it matters so much that we embrace this aspect of His heart. It is part of the loving nature of God. 2. Let God Define What Love Is The second thing real love requires is that we pursue and build with God's definition of love. If He is love, then we need to let Him define what love is and then move in His definition. This is a big one. A lot of people say, "I've got no problem with love." Then why don't they exhibit any of the traits God uses to define it? God is not ambiguous when it comes to what His love looks like, so that we can be rooted and grounded in it. Loving Mankind but Not People Some of you are old enough to remember the Peanuts cartoons. In one of them, Linus tells his sister he thinks he's found what he wants to do with his life: he's going to be a doctor. With a condescending tone, she asks how he could ever be a doctor when he doesn't love mankind. His response? He has no problem loving mankind. It's people he can't stand. Sometimes we hear the word love and attach our own definitions to it, and those aren't necessarily God's definitions. Sometimes those of us who are charismatic can be the worst ones. We say, "Oh, I love." Then why did you just treat that person like dirt? "Well, they're not spiritual. I'm spiritual." No, you're not. You're not embracing the heart definition of God. The Apostle John's Final Lesson on Love Years ago, I was taking a New Testament survey class in college and doing research on the apostle John. I came across a story that is told in the history books, written by Saint Jerome in the late 300s. John was old and feeble, in his last days, and they would literally have to carry him out and set him among his disciples. He probably didn't have a lot of strength left, so he was very much to the point, and all he talked about was love. Then one of his disciples said, "John, can you help us? All you ever talk about is love. We want to get something important out of you." Imagine saying that to the apostle John! Some of the accounts say he lifted his shaky finger and said, "Young man, this is what the Master taught us. And if this is what the Master taught us, it's enough." That is very, very important. We have to go with God's definition of love. When "God Wants Me to Be Happy" Replaces God's Love What do I mean by that? I remember one time my wife and I were helping a couple with their marriage. Unfortunately, it didn't make it, and here's a big reason why. As we were trying to get to the bottom of why they were having problems, she made the statement, "I don't love him anymore." I asked what she meant. She said, "Well, I don't like the way he looks anymore. I don't like this. I just don't love him." I thought, you don't know what love is. I reached over to get my Bible, and she said, "Stop. Don't get the Bible." I asked why she didn't want me to get the Bible, and she said, "Because you know the Bible better than me." All I was going to do was show her what love looks like in Scripture, and I told her that's all I was going to do. Her answer was, "I don't care. My god wants me to be happy." Maybe your god does. But we want to go with the God who is love, and I want you to move in the fullness of love instead of just your own ideas. This is what gets the church world into trouble. We put our definitions of love in place of God's definition of love. What Does the Bible Say About Love? God's Definition in 1 Corinthians 13 So what is God's definition of love? He is love. He is the one who originated pure love, so we had better go with His definition over our own. We find it in 1 Corinthians 13. Before Paul gives us the definition, he walks through the things all of Christendom desires: faith that moves mountains, prophetic words and inspired speech, extreme personal sacrifice like giving your body to be burned or your possessions to the poor, and supernatural revelation. With each of those things, he makes the same statement. Without love, they don't mean anything. We like to say, "But they're anointed." That's great that they're anointed, but their anointing means nothing if they're not walking in love. So what is love? Paul defines it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: "Love is patient, it is kind, it is not jealous, does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails." How to Use 1 Corinthians 13 Before You Act I want you to do this with me. I'll be honest, I don't always like it. Sometimes God wants you to do things you may not like, but you know you need to do them to obey Him. Here's what God has had me doing the last few years, and I think it has helped me. Whenever I'm feeling something, I quote this passage in my mind. Is this feeling patient, kind, and generous? Is it seeking my own way or His will? Is it for the good of that person or not? Is it hopeful? Is it believing? Is it refusing to take into account a wrong suffered? If you would memorize this and play it in your mind before you take action, you might find what I have. For some of us, myself included, 99.9% of what we're getting ready to do is not love. Just that little practice of replaying what love is stops me: holy cow, I'm getting ready to act in something that's not love. That's where the Bible says that by the Spirit we put to death the deeds of the flesh (Romans 8:13). God is saying, "That's not love, that's not love, that's not love." The Holy Spirit is prompting me, and I repent before I act and move in God's love instead. That's so important. If you get nothing else out of this, memorize God's definition of love. Replay it in your mind when you're facing challenges, and then ask, "God, am I getting ready to move in love?" If not, we repent. 3. Put Yourself in Proximity to God's People The last thing real love requires is this: you've got to put yourself in proximity to move in this rooted and grounded life together. What does that mean? Get around the people of God in a way where you share life together. A lot of that happens through small groups, though not through small groups alone. Put yourself in proximity to walk in love. Walking in Real Love With God and One Another So what does real love require? First, embrace the heart of our Builder, the gentle and humble heart of Jesus. Second, build your life on God's definition of love as Paul lays it out in 1 Corinthians 13, rather than on your own. Third, put yourself in proximity to God's people so you can share life together. Before you act on what you're feeling today, replay what love is and ask whether you're getting ready to move in it. That's how we walk with God and walk with one another in His love.